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Sunday, 15 February 2009

'Cause what I'm used to isn't all that I can do

So. TPJC's pretty cool.



My awesome friends.

Also. I'm in TPJChoir.

And, yes. I'll admit it. I'm having fun at TPJC.

Your favourite beatboxing ambigrammist,
Az

Posted by Az at 1:11 AM

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Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Mixed feelings

'Tis odd.

Today at TPJC I felt that I didn't mind staying there, that it wasn't so bad and stuff.

But when I'm at home and think about TJC and/or VJC, I feel a sense of longing. The best way to say it is that I just don't want it to be this way. I just don't (yes, very related to denial).

/sigh

So last night's bout of emoness and frustration was probably the death throes of my JC dreams. Unavoidable, but it passed and now that dream is more or less dead.

And I think I've come to accept it.

But gah, I just really didn't want it to be like this. I don't want to live in TJC's shadow through my JC life because I'll never blame the school for not accepting me and instead blame myself for not proving my worth to it.

Oh well, life throws shit at you.

Let's just hope that the little clique formed at that elevated round table thing stays. I think it'll help keep me sane.

Your favourite guy living in denial,
Az

Posted by Az at 8:23 PM

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Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Failing to plan is planning to fail

Is utter bullshit.

For everything related to 'O' Levels, I had a plan.

From staying away from the computer and studying my ass off to wringing out every last bit of creativity and persuasion in my brain to write an essay.

The plans were there, and yet I still view myself as a failure.

I worked my ass off and got a raw score of 12. Personal fail.

Thought the worst JC I would go to was my second choice (Meridian) and I ended up in friggin Tampines. Again, personal fail.

Went for choir auditions in Temasek and appealed with all that I could, and I was informed today that that, too, failed.

So I've concluded that no matter how hard I try, life will just bite me in the ass over and over and over again. And even if there isn't any logical way that I could fail, my ridiculously bad luck will just strike and just make it all go wrong. Even in the littlest of things. Also, it does it in a way that mocks me. In this case it was with a 'We wish you all the best for your future endeavours'. Last time I heard that was before I found out I got 12 points.

So, yes. If that's all there is to my life - disappointing me at anything I care hugely about - then my life can go fuck itself in the ass for all I care.

The failure of the universe,
Az

Posted by Az at 7:33 PM

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